just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
