Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
