Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
