Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
