i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
