Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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