im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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