You work out of a Hotel?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is Oprah even human
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
