i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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