Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
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Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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