matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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