Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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