His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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