Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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