She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
