Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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