you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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