God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
