God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
