I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
