Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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