Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
