I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
