take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
