is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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