when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
