Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
