I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
