I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
