My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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