her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
