and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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