I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
