hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
