No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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