We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Pants are for mortals
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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