Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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