Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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