I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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