I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
