I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
