why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I could fuck to npr.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
