Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
