Moan for me like Helen Keller
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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