Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
