You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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