Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
