Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
