I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
