yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
