left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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