I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
