The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
