so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's rum buckets o'clock
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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