I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize