He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
