apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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