oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
