My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
