My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
