there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
