That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
