would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
