I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
