the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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