I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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