all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
